No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
