No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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