Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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