Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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