I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
