Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
