all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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