Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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