people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
