I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
