sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize