It's Friday. Sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
