I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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