I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
