I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
