Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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