just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
