i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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