And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
how drunk are you?
Several
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize