on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just want nice things and good sex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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