SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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