Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
