On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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