eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So much rum. So many feels.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
