Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
