Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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