It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."