so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head