Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.