I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
