Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(212): View more from New York

that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(212): that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment http://tfl.nu/63lr

Replies (3) Good night (807) Bad night (2894)
Favorite
(920): View more from Wisconsin

Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t

Replies (6) Good night (1614) Bad night (5496)
Favorite
(305): View more from Florida

She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(305): She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself. http://tfl.nu/c54w

Replies (57) Good night (901) Bad night (5483)
Favorite
(720): View more from Colorado

Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx

Replies (4) Good night (5564) Bad night (1065)
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man http://tfl.nu/8rsc

Replies (9) Good night (4296) Bad night (992)
Favorite
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(780): Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT. http://tfl.nu/4w87

Replies (13) Good night (2010) Bad night (1157)
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes? http://tfl.nu/b8rs

Replies (40) Good night (1008) Bad night (2285)
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out" http://tfl.nu/hlb2

Replies (3) Good night (1182) Bad night (581)
Favorite
(336): View more from North Carolina

The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7

Replies (15) Good night (2918) Bad night (655)
Favorite
(805): View more from California

WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

(1-805): View more from California

budget cuts

(805): View more from California

YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

(1-805): View more from California

budget cuts are serious business

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj

Replies (14) Good night (4111) Bad night (965)
Favorite
(450): View more from Quebec

I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(450): I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement http://tfl.nu/63m9

Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (497)
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in" http://tfl.nu/49tf

Replies (7) Good night (793) Bad night (499)
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.

(901): View more from Tennessee

But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes. (901): But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes. http://tfl.nu/ipaj

Replies (4) Good night (1018) Bad night (356)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this http://tfl.nu/f56c

Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (577)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them http://tfl.nu/fus3

Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (131)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: