dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
