apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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