Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
