we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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