This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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