Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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