dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
