sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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