4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
