This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
