Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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