we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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