I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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