There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
