I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
