Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
