I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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