the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
