I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
