I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize