I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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