yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
