i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
