I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Alive.
So much puke
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
