and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
