And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
