check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
