The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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