okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
