Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
