A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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