Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
