evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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