she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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