Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
