He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
