I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
