we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
